So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The air was thick with penises
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
