I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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