Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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