Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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