I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
