remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
