We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
