He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
