how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
