I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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