So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
