It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
