Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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