are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize