i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
