i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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