all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
