Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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