fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A bitchslap is in order.
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