What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
