Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
