it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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