I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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