My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
