So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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