I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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