since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
