I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
