she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize