I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
