I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize