Don't make out with my wife yet
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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