as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
