Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
