well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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