I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
