6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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