we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
