Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
