i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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