This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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