I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
