Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's blow job season.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
