; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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