Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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