so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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