If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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