Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
