so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
