John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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