I'm eating all of the evidence.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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