I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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