I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
