I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
