I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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