I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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