I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
