Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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