Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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