I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
