No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
