i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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