all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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