GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
