Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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