So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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