yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize