Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Boobs are out for the taking
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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