how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
